Foe's List

I think it so interesting and funny that in addition to a "friend's list" on our profiles, there is also a "foe's list".

Harmonie wrote:I think it so interesting and funny that in addition to a "friend's list" on our profiles, there is also a "foe's list".

I’m very happy to connect with your remark about this detail of our forum.
I connect your interest and fun with what you say here :

Harmonie wrote:Hi Everyone, I live in Vermont, USA. I am particularly interested in applying NVC principles in difficult encounters.

I’m happy to meet you !
(We can find people’s profiles under « memberlist » I love doing that to get an idea of who we are under our words - met need : integrity)

I like challenges, too.
I hope to get to know you this year and go on making progress, both with easy and hard stuff.
I don’t believe there are any « hard » people, but at times, I may want to avoid certain encounters,  when I don’t feel I have enough strength, for instance. Is this touching what you mean about foes as well as  friends ?
Are you after a balance of what is easy/hard ? Or does what feels good, what feels alive, what feels harsh sometimes get all mixed up for you too ?

I love noticing things like that.
I never used either « friends »or « foes » on this forum.
I think the concept of « friends » is what kept me out of Facebook
So, like you, I enjoy adding « foes » to it.

Cheers

Hello Geobs, Thank you for your responses. I do find certain people much more difficult to relate to, particularly my grown-up son. I love him fiercely, though, and am determined to break through all of the difficulties.
What is it about the concept of "friends" in the internet sense, that does not appeal to you?

When I read foe's list I have to laugh because who can REALLY be counted as a foe? I recon it's only because I hold resentment in my heart that I see others as foe's

This thing about 'foes'--I'm amused too.  I guess because here we all are, learning about compassion and learning how to not see anybody as a foe.  What I like about this is that it reminds me of the common way our stories usually run, with some people being on our side, and some against us.  That we can experience amusement here makes me think it's a sign of our already rising consciousness to new ways of thinking. A tiny beginning to 'enlightenment', maybe?

Yes, friends and foes belong to “the other world” that of right/right, binary oppositions. Here, as Carol says “ we learn not to see anybody as a foe” (We are not all “friends” either ! On FB, or in show business, this idea makes me shiver for want of authenticity and absence of what I love when we connect with NVC.).  First Connect, connect, connect.  

So here we have neither foes nor friends. We connect and see as life flows with feelings (pleasant and unpleasant) and needs we choose to meet or let go. If you’re anything like me, you’d like to be able to let go of most unpleasant stuff. (Hard work)

Actually, I have a Robot-like unpleasant thing happening to me, with repetition, around “seeing no one as foe”.  Sometimes me or other well-meaning people choose to meet our need for simplicity : and it’s so simple and easy to designate whose fault harsh stuff is ! I’ve done it for decades. I really find this is the in-depth teaching of NVC. Changing my stories ! I so long believed, at times with shame, that I could be some people’s enemy... When I feel disconnected, sad or other disagreeable feelings, I often tell myself the simple “magic” story : “there’s someone taking me as her/his enemy.” Complex. I still have progress to make to love myself, radically ! Self contempt is one of the most destructive ways I work under stress, and want to undo. Will probably take me another few years to undo it fully, securely. Undoing resentment is one of the hardest things I know.

Foes and friends still come to my rescue to meet needs, every now and then.
A friend for support. A foe as an explanation. Nothing “wrong” with that... provided I am conscious of it, a little more every day !